Professor Vile's Issue 6

   

 
 By Owen Black

 
 By Professor Vile

 
 By Father John Gibbons

 
 By Professor Vile

  Editorial Dog's God's Intro
ByProfessor Vile

Let me start by giving you my sincerest apology for the numerous delays that kept this issue out of your hands until now. Eight months ago, Fabric Staircase Five hit the streets and I already had enough material written for issues six and seven. Then, Prof. Realizm, Prof. Freedom and I decided to undertake the sensless task of deviding issue Six up into three separate issues, hence Fabric Staircase 666. We figured that this would enable us to break the curse on our even-numbered issues. You see, I have never before worked on an even-numbered issue. Why? Well, it seems that every time we finish work on an odd-numbered issue, we have a nasty falling out.
For instance, I threw a hissyfit when Realizm put together issue two, so I pulled all my material out just prior to publication. Issue three's production came off without a hitch, but certain eccentricities of mine did not seem to jibe with those of my two co-horts, so we wound up getting pissed off at each other for about six months. This was ugly, but once issue three came out (six months after we finished it!!), we reformed and collaborated on issue two and a half. When it came time to work on issue four, I had once again decided that Realizm and Freedom were a couple of spacey, unmotivated assholes, so I told them to go fuck themselves and I wrote "Soul Cancer" and nothing else...
Six months later, I don't even remember how, we became friends again. Issue four had come out in the interim, and guess who had nothing to do with the ugly affair. That's right! Me!!! Issue five came off without a hitch, so we figured that Six would flow out easily. After two years of this "arts and crafts" bullshit, you would think that we have it down. Right?
One week after we began work on these three issues, I almost went to jail twice for truly stupid shit. Then my girlfriend broke up with me. Next, a great deal of my close friends turned out to be snakes. My job sucked. It was cold and snowy. I developed several dependencies that I'd like to sweep under the rug. A private investigator began watching me to see if I was doing bad things. I ran out of money, got sick, got fired and was falsely comitted to a mental hospital against my will. On top of that, I have some weird sore that I believe to be syphilis, but I dunno how the fuck I could've gotten that! Oh yeah. Professor Freedom and I beat the shit out of one another in my living room after a miscommunication on my part. Oh yeah, I had to postpone the issue for two nights due to a haunting. Now, I don't even get paid to publish this goddam thing, but it is now done! I'm fucking sick of typing. This typing shit is Professor Realizm's job. The lazy ass.

Enjoy, kids...

Professor Vile

 

 

 

 

 
   
   

 

 

Zine-XMember Zine-X - The Banner Exchange for Zines

Zine-XMember Zine-X - The Banner Exchange for Zines

Zine-XMember Zine-X - The Banner Exchange for Zines

Zine-XMember Zine-X - The Banner Exchange for Zines