Put your head between your legs and stick it up your ass, America! This elevator is going straight down, and I'm keeping my itchy finger pressed firmly on the button. Why not? After all, if rape is inevitable, we may as well lie back and enjoy it! This is insanity, kids.
So, every day, tobacco companies must convince 1000 people that cigarette smoking would suit their lifestyle just fine. Ah yes, smoking- pleasure in a stick! Forget about cancer, heart disease, emphysema and strokes! That wont happen to you for a good twenty or thirty years anyway. That is, if it even happens at all! So enjoy that carbon monoxide as it filters through your tender pink lungs. Savor that thick coating of tar on your tongue. Wear those yellow nicotine stains on your fingers as badges of honor! Support American business! Smoke up, Johnny! Become one of the daily thousand! Throw a monkey wrench into the plans of the American cancer society while pissing off all those bitchy non-smokers who stand within pissing distance. Smoke!
Never mind the fact that tobacco companies need to convert 1000 non smokers per day due to the fact that 1000 current smokers die each day from smoking-related illnesses. Ignore the fact that cigarettes are the only mass-marketted product that, when used as directed, kills the user! Don't worry about the risk of addiction! After all, I've never heard of someone sucking dick for cigarettes! Besides, cigarettes are legal! You can smoke them in front of cops and priests! Shit, you can smoke'em with cops and priests! Whats more, cigarettes do many beneficial things for you and society as a whole!
Smoking cigarettes helps you loose those unwanted teeth! It gives you bad breath, which helps support mouth wash companies! Cigarettes create jobs in many industries, such as the tobacco industry, the medical industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the American cancer society and addiction/recovery; not to mention the funeral and cemetery industries! Cigarettes can help you loose weight (especially after you develop cancer.) You can use them to point things out to people in between drags. You can use them to look cool. Hell, you can even become a poor man's Clinton and imitate the president by sticking them up your lovers cunt!
Cigarettes are more beneficial to society than ever before! Whenever you purchase a pack of cigarettes in New Jersey, fifty cents is donated to the American cancer society! thats right! every pack that you buy goes to fight cancer! Smoke to fight cancer! If you smoke two packs per day for twenty years, then you have donated over seven thousand dollars to the cause! How humanitarian! Maybe, if we all continue smoking, then they will have a cure for cancer by the time it has killed all of us! Think about it! Our children and our children's children could smoke risk free, for their entire lives! Non-smokers get cancer , too

That seems very likely. As cigarette prices continue to rise, poor people will need to resort to robbery to pay five dollars for a pack, each day. When the government finally bans cigarettes, the problems will arise like California wild fires. Picture it.
Picture this: millions of smokers forced into withdrawal, all jonsing for a fix. One cigarette selling for five dollars. One hundred dollars buys a pack! Gangs set up a tobacco black market! Cigarette addicts stealing, whoring, and killing, all for a smoke. Jails so crowded that not enough free citizens exist to guard them! Police pulling everyone over as a suspected nicotine fiend! Millions of lost jobs! Smokers forced to live like outlaws! And you thought crack heads were bad! you ain't seen nothin yet, jack. Why couldn't we just be satisfied with mere lung cancer? There's a much worse problem now............................................Maybe IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE DESIGNS AND MARKETS NICOTINE-FREE CIGARETTES, JUST LIKE DECAFFEINATED COFFEE...