Virgo

 Pisces

Capricorn
 You are a complete closet fag. When your father catches you fucking the family pet, he beats you with his friction deformed cock and has both of you neutered. What a fruitcake you turned out to be.  Join a new club, meet new people and expand your asshole. Its a time for group activity and increasing the length and girth of your penis. Masturbation is you key.  Basically you will never amount to shit. You are more fucked up than a cancer and will never ever get laid.

 Sagittarius

 Libra

 Gemini
 When are you going to ejaculate. You have a fairly slow life but that is because you are extremely obese. Make sure you have money set aside for a circumcision, because your fucked up looking cock is part of the reason you can't get any pussy. Some old hobbies may re-enter your life and your ass (beating off, etc.)  I'm not even wasting my time on you assholes.  You are a fucking queer and you should die. Also you are a cracker, nigger, wop, spic, mic, kike and a piece of shit at that. Go to some far away place, hide in a little shack until you develop some sort of cum bubble in your ass you fucking Homo.

 Scorpio

 Leo

Aries
 You are opening your cunt and receiving the beef from all directions. Travels not important this month Because all of your free time will be spent getting fucked. Cum feeds your fat demented ass. You are confused when one of your friends asks you to dyke out. Do her- everyone will benefit.  A shiny new dildo ball is in your future. Brief interactions with an old fuck leaves a load on your best friends forehead.  Penis enlargement funds take up the most of your money this month. I think you should get over you penis worries and get down to business. Cooking up crack is always a good way to pick up chicks. And since your dick is so small it is your only option. You are scum and you have a small cock. So, dude, you're fucked.

 Aquarius
 Cancer

 Taurus
 A load may be blown into your ass. The rediscovery of your dick leads to alot of experimentation with masturbation and the theory of it. I dont think there is any way to stop from being hospitalized, but when you glass from a beer bottle in your schlong, don't say I didn't warn you.  There's no point in solving (or at least trying to solve) your problems, because the truth is, you're a complete fuck-up and serve no purpose in existence. Suicide is a reasonable solution.  Long dicks may be the center of your month. Your thirst for hot cum leads you to question your sexuality. Most of your friends don't like you because you are a flaming faggot. who spends more time taking it in the ass than taking phone calls. you are a fucking queer and need to spend more time jerking off because you are a waste of a cum shot.